No stitches, just platelets and will power
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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