I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
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