oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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