hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
