Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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