Your face is a jimmy john
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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