so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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