The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
