im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
