I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
