did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Slut skills are useful in every country.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
