i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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