that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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