I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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