Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
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