I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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