everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
