i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
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