ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
