I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
