A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
