Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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