They should really pass out barf bags in church
stop calling my apartment porn island.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
