Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
