the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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