Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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