Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Randomize
