The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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