Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Randomize
