he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
