the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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