so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
it glows. i had to have it.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
