She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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