bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
