Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
