Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize