My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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