then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
