I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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