Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
