As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
