Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
