He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
