Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
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