Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I touched a dick in church today
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
