I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Randomize
