I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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