That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
