Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Randomize
