If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
