WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
