Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
