I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
