Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
