There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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