I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
