at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
