Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
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