smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize