my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
