My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
