Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
