I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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