dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
