I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
