no you cant smoke seaweed
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
