i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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