My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I think your dad took our porno
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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