apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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