Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
