my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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